THE BIRTH OF OTHERNESS

The liturgy of the word this Sunday offers us some interesting ideas regarding family (community) life. The Gospel emphasizes fidelity (within the marital relationship) and acceptance (towards the little ones). The first reading, instead, highlights a very important aspect: the birth of otherness (the essential basis of all coexistence). The letter to the Hebrews, finally, draws attention, looking at Christ, to the radical dedication of oneself. We will delve into the second aspect, that of the birth of otherness. “It is not good for man to be alone” (Gen 2:18). God sees that solitude is not good for man. Hence the commitment to give him a “similar help” (èzer kenegdò). The Hebrew expression must be understood well. Èzer indicates a strong and active support (cf. Ps 40:17); kenegdò can be translated “in front of him” or also “opposite him”; that is, man needs a counterpart to be complete. We then see a myriad of animals of all kinds and forms pass by man. But no living being corresponds to man. So, God, as a good surgeon, performs two important actions: he puts the man to sleep and extracts a rib from him with which to shape the otherness (the woman). This sleep is the tardema and expresses that situation that allows God to act and operate. When the man wakes up he sees the woman in front of him, the otherness. What does it mean? Simply that the origin of the other is unknown; the other is a mystery. This should not generate suspicion or fear but listening and acceptance. In short: the basic rule for living a healthy and constructive relationship with others is to recognize the otherness of the person in front of us; we do not know everything about the other, we do not know everything, we ignore their origin. This blessed ignorance saves us from the temptation of homologation (making everything the same), from that claim of knowledge that is nothing other than a desire to dominate. No, in relation to others we must know how to keep the boundary. Then we have a term: tzelà generally translated as “rib” but which instead should be translated as “side”. Otherness is the missing side, that which therefore completes (in reciprocity). However, this tzelà is extracted. This makes us understand that the other is born in our eyes, becomes a presence before us to the extent that we are open to loss. Losing, within the relationship, is equivalent to reducing oneself, knowing how to step aside, not being intrusive and excluding. But there is a third condition, when the sacred editor states that the man will leave his father and mother and will form one flesh with his woman, that is, it is necessary to make an exodus, abandon the guarantees of security (father and mother) to enter into the novelty that every relationship implies and solicits.

Commentary by b. Sandro Carotta, osb
Abbazia di Praglia (Italy)

Translation by f. Mark Hargreaves,
Prinknash Abbey